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Playing Favorites There are no levels in Christianity by Ashlee Bassa To me a revelation is not only a way in which God reveals Himself to us in a distinctive way, but it's probably the way in which I feel closest to Him. It's as if He and I are sitting at a small, round, wooden table with one of those plastic vases in the middle that has all of those fake flowers poking out of it, drinking water with lemon and discussing Christianity and myself and how the two correspond. As Donald Miller puts it, it's as if we're "talking on the phone" or something — like we're that close, breathing the same air. So today, you would think that I was of course bursting with joy after such a revelation, but I think that sometimes, most times, before we burst with joy we must well up with sorrow. I was driving to my mother's the other day, and I was so sad and I knew why, but I was trying to bury it once again so that I could ignore it, or Him rather, and just drive and listen to music or talk to someone on the cell phone because it seemed so much easier. Of course, nothing was on the radio and no one was answering their phone. So I decided right then and there that He and I haven't really talked in a long time, and while I wanted to just ignore Him (because I'm lazy and scared) I couldn't help but feel that little finger tapping on my shoulder. So I turned the radio off and said, "Alright ... here it is ..." and I began praying for other people, attempting to get away from what was really inside. But it's difficult to pray for others when you're the one who needs such immediate prayer yourself. I just started crying. It was great. I was genuinely sorrowful for my sin (as we should be when we're confessing but sometimes we don't really allow ourselves to get there), and I talked about all the stuff that's been slowly stirring in me and all the stuff that's been quickly burrowed in me and ... it was beautiful. I was finally talking with my Father again and revealing my insecurities and fears as well as my thankfulness. But as I was talking with Him I came to this place where I was actually praying to be someone else, that someday I would be like (fill in the blank) who was so put together, so godly, so much more of a Christian than I, and suddenly I stopped and He showed me just exactly what I was saying. You see, I've bought into the lie that there are "better Christians" than me out there, that I'm a mediocre Christian. But while there are different walks in life there are not different levels. In a walk you have the beginning of the journey, the middle and the end — much like a story. And Christianity is a story — Christ is the story — but there are no levels. There are levels in video games and levels of intelligence, but there are no levels in Christianity. Think about it. It doesn't fit. If there are levels then we may find ourselves constantly striving to be like one who is in a more advanced level than us (and we do because we see life this way). But if we could see it as a walk, we would see that we have only to be guided by One and to keep walking towards and with One and alongside others on the same journey. Levels compare us to one another and God doesn't compare. I'm a daughter as you are a daughter, and I'm no less beautiful than you or intelligent than you, etc. as far as He is concerned. In Blue Like Jazz, Donald Miller quotes a friend of his who said that she believes one of the greatest miracles Jesus ever performed was that He never played favorites. Everyone was and is loved despite their differences. We are all on different paths but on the same journey, and He holds each of our hands in the rough patches and loves each of us just as much as the other. Me comparing myself to others has been a problem for such a long time. Church has been difficult to be a part of because of this. However, it isn't about everyone else. It's about Him and me. And to truly grasp this idea saves me from a lot of embitterment towards others and from a lot of my own insecurities and self-pity. Just as a mother could never love one child more than the other, even though she may love them differently, so our Father loves us, and there is such freedom in this when you find yourself here.