Articles Music WDYL

Potluck, No Luck Dealing with the not-so-great roommate by Kelly Johnston The temperature on the day I moved into college was approximately equal to the surface of the sun. To add insult to injury, the elevator to my non-air-conditioned, ninth floor dorm room was in no condition to accommodate the stuff of 500 women with a six-hour window of move-in time. One trip up nine flights of stairs shy of a heart attack, my parents dropped off my last load, said goodbye, and left me. Prior to that day, the term "potluck" conjured up happy images of church picnics on spring days with good friends and lots of home cooked food. That was before I met Jenny. We were somehow matched as roommates by our answers to a short questionnaire on which she clearly lied. We had spoken once on the phone before that day in August and she seemed nice ... which is really the politically correct thing to say about someone with whom you're sure you don't have one thing in common. The first night she came home at 3am, and told me the next morning that she had been at the zoo. I didn't know our small college town had a zoo, and I sure couldn't figure out what you'd do there until 3am, so in attempts to make conversation I asked if the animals were still awake that late. She clearly had no patience for my naiveté, and scoffed, "the Z-O-U," a bar named after a chant I'd later find out is screamed incessantly at our sporting events where one side of the stadium yells, "M-I-Z" and the other shrieks back "Z-O-U." Jenny had a particular fondness for hot dogs, especially when she was drunk. If you've never been awakened at 3am by the smell of a microwaved hot dog in a non-air-conditioned, 9th floor dorm room, you should consider yourself lucky. There were other common sense courtesies Jenny had no knowledge of, such as, what happens in the bottom bunk is felt in the top bunk and the week-old leftover milk in your cereal bowl smells rotten because it IS rotten. Nightmare roommate stories are not uncommon. There have been entire books written and websites dedicated to dealing with the challenges of roommates (everything from how to cope to how to annoy). Opposites or not, put two people in an itty-bitty 12x12 room and you're asking for a conflict. Whether it's an annoying habit, a personality trait, a lack of courtesy or just a quirk, some issues will have to be addressed, while others will have to be let go. Susan Fee, a psychologist, gives the following suggestions for making challenging roommate situations more bearable. Talk. If something's bugging you, bring it up in a non-defensive way rather than assume your roommate can read your mind. Nothing can change unless you acknowledge it. It's possible that your roommate may not even be aware of the problem. Focus on behavior, not personality. It's not reasonable to ask people to change who they are, but you can ask them to tone down how they express themselves, especially when it's invading your turf. So, you can't criticize someone for being "perky," but you can ask for someone not to talk so much while you're studying. Stay flexible. It's not your job to fix anybody else, and it helps to recognize that no one is perfect. Be willing to look at your own behavior. Consider what you could do differently to help the situation instead of only blaming your roommate. Start with one pet peeve. What can you absolutely not deal with? What do you find extremely irritating, but could live with if you had to? There are probably tons of things your roommate does that get on your nerves. But nothing kills a relationship faster than listing dozens of reasons why you don't like a person. Instead, both of you need to list your number one pet peeve and focus your energy on solving that first. Consider the positives. Before you decide that life would be better with a roommate exactly like you, think of what you could gain by living with your opposite. We're often attracted to people who are different from us because they represent qualities we wish we possessed. If you're shy, maybe being around a more outgoing person will force you out of your shell. When one person's strength makes up for the other's weakness, being opposites is an advantage. Though she may not have intended it, these suggestions are similar to Biblical principles of conflict resolution and loving others. Go to the person directly (Matthew 18). See your own sin first (Matthew 7). Don't knit-pick at every fault (Ephesians 4:2). Acknowledge their redemptive potential (Philippians 1:6). You will have no greater challenge, yet no greater opportunity to share the love of God than you will in your tiny dorm room where there is nowhere to hide the good, the bad, and the ugly of who you are. Following Jesus' example of laying down his life for us, you are going to have to lay down your rights, your comfort, and your convenience in order to love your roommate. I lived with Jenny for the longest three weeks of my life. I wish I could say I lovingly confronted the issues at hand, and had to leave because she vehemently refused to change; but the truth is that I moved to another floor at the first opportunity without ever saying a word. By mid-semester she was asked to leave her sorority for disciplinary reasons and eventually failed out of school. When she moved out of the dorm, there was no one there to help her haul all her stuff back down those nine flights of stairs. I saw her loading her car out front and couldn't help but know that she missed out on a chance to experience God's love in a horrible season of life because I cared about my comfort more than my roommate. Acceptance. Compromise. Honesty. Sacrifice. Conflict resolution. These are the things I lacked that I hope you, with God's help, possess so that you can love, accept and even enjoy your roommate this year.