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Struggles The battle to overcome secret sins was not meant to be fought alone Author is anonymous to protect her privacy Struggles, temptations, strongholds, secret sins...whatever you call them, we all have them. Whether you're a college student, mother, or minister, you know the reality of those things that you just can't shake. But God forgives and provides a way for us to overcome those struggles in our lives that we don't want anyone else to know about. For me, part of the "overcoming" came in reflecting back on my life to find the root of the problem. At the age of 7 or 8 I spent one afternoon with two neighborhood boys, trading my innocence for a bundle of football trading cards. Deep inside I knew what we were doing was wrong, but I enjoyed the new feelings my body was experiencing. I began looking for every opportunity to bring those feelings back. Sometimes you crack the door to let the devil in and sometimes someone else cracks it for you. Either way, once the door is cracked, it's hard to shut it tight again. In fifth grade, a friend told me that a boy in my class wanted to meet me behind the athletic shed to "make out." I wasn't sure what that meant, but I figured it was something I wasn't supposed to do, so I declined. Frank later invited me to visit his tree house. When I looked inside, all I saw was a collage of pictures of naked women. I quickly climbed down the ladder and rode my bike home as fast as I could. Why was this happening to me again? I thought I had left it all behind. In junior high and high school I was lucky to have a good group of Christian friends. We did everything together and kept each other on the right path. All was well until I went away to college and found myself living in the party dorm, hanging out with the party crowd. The drinking wasn't a big temptation for me...it was the pornography that sent me spinning. All my girlfriends had subscriptions to PlayGirl magazine. We got together to watch movies, read books and listen to some of the girls' stories of sexual encounters. After that I found myself breaking into my friends' rooms to get my hands on any pornography I could find. I had drifted so far from God that I began to question whether He even existed. I told myself that the church just made up rules to keep us from having a good time. It wasn't until four of my friends died in alcohol related incidences that God got my attention and brought me back to Himself. I knew that I needed to transfer to another school to get away from the bad influences in my life. Although I transferred, got involved in a campus ministry, and started attending church again, I was still fighting the demon of pornography. I felt I couldn't talk to anyone. Who would understand? All through college and seminary and into my ministry years, I kept my struggles to myself. I thought that if I just prayed hard enough, read my Bible more and tried harder, I could resist the urges. Why couldn't I overcome this struggle in my life? Finally, I couldn't take the struggling anymore and decided to talk to a friend about it. I poured my heart out to her. I was scared to death that she would disown me as a friend, but she listened, she cried with me, and she asked some hard questions. She also promised to help me deal with this area of my life and she began to hold me accountable. I had to make some major changes in my life. I had to cancel memberships at certain video rental stores. I can never have deluxe cable in my home. When I attend conferences, I make sure I have a roommate. When I have to travel by myself, my friend knows where I am, and she usually calls in the morning to check in with me. I've called her late at night and said, "All you need to say is, 'Be good' and I will, but I need to hear it." There are times when I don't like the accountability. I've hung up on my friend a few times when I've slipped up the night before. She always calls back. I've come to the conclusion that this will be a struggle for me my whole life. I guess you could call it "my thorn in the flesh." But I also know that God has provided me with the power to overcome through the help of my friends who hold me accountable, and the knowledge that God will always love and forgive me. Whatever it is that you struggle with, find a friend you can trust and tell them about it. Battles are often fought alone, but they are rarely won alone. God gave us Christian friends for a reason. We need to learn to lean on each other to help us through the struggles in our lives. By placing myself under someone else's authority I've experienced a freedom I can't explain. I praise God for that freedom, and I hope you know that freedom as well.