Consider Lily

Consider Lily will be in a new format this year…instead of an entire blog topic going up at one time, the CL bloggers will be posting often for an on-going conversation. Check back regularly!!

Were any of you into cheesy suspense/horror movies in high school? My favorites were Silence of the Lambs and Misery. (Hows that for showing how old I am?) That must have been a phase because now I can barely watch any movies without the images getting frozen in my mind, provoking fear for hours after the movie is over.

So let’s talk about fear. It can be paralyzing, and it can serve as a warning. In the “worry” context, it’s often socially acceptable among Christians. But biblically we see that God’s love drives fear out. And then there is the command to fear God. When is fear wrong, and when is it right? How do we deal and what’s the alternative, practically speaking?

Fear sits in the bottom of my stomach, twisting and knotting in its own annoying way. I was a pretty fearful kid. I worried about everything from monsters in the closet to whether my parents would come home safely if they went out on a date. I worried about money. I worried about grades. I worried about pretty much anything that seemed out of my control. And once I became a Christian, I realized what was driving my fear: Loss of control.

As I was reading your post, Allie, I thought of my favorite Psalm–Psalm 46:

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in time of trouble. Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea…

I LOVE this Psalm because this is what it feels like to be out of control! The earth does give way beneath our feet! So, I think fear can be both good and bad. Fear is bad if we are trapped within it, tied securely in its knots. Yet, fear often serves as a reminder to me of my need to be intentionally trusting in God’s control over my life. After all, I certainly don’t know what I’m doing…

It is so interesting that you have raised this topic, Allie. I was JUST in a conversation about this issue today! I do think that we mess up what “fear” means, however, because many of us have such tendencies toward anxiety and worry (myself standing first in line on this). Fear, in this sense, is not healthy or practical. But I do believe that there is a “healthy” sense of fear. My seminary professor this semester said that if God had not sent His only Son to be sacrificed in our place – if we did not have that unfathomable act of love from Him — then we would be “absolutely terrified” of God. We can have “fear” in the sense of “respect” of who He is and His power… but we are not “afraid” of Him because to be afraid would mean to avoid approaching Him. John’s reference to “perfect love casts out fear” (I John 4:18) is about us not having to be afraid — God has given us “perfect love” through Christ… we don’t have to be afraid… we can approach Him in the confidence that He loves us and hears us and is reaching out to us through Christ… perfectly. And through this truth, then, we can take comfort in the words of the Psalmist (like Lindsay has quoted). We respect and honor God for being the Creator of everything that exists, for being all-powerful and all-knowing, and at the same time… we can acknowledge that He redeems us. We can approach Him in the truth of the perfect love that He has given to us. What a wonderful thought.

Good points, Nik…having a healthy sense of “fear” (as it relates to God) is good…and probably a prerequisite to getting the other side of fear under control.

I am the biggest sinner you know, but fear/worry is not one of my pet sins (now if you want to blog about self-righteousness or impatience or judgmentalism, I’ll have a lot to say…and a lot to learn). That said, I remember one time someone telling me this: “if you can worry, you can meditate.” I know it seems cheesy and simple, but there’s power in God’s Word, and that’s the place to start when we’re afraid or worried. The phrase “fear not” (or a close version of that) is stated over 300 times in Scripture. God must have known it’d be something we needed to be reminded of often.

The biggest worrier I know is Stella. She is terrified of thunder, she has painfully obvious social anxieties about meeting new people, and she jumps into a panic at the very sight of any woodland creature.

Stella is my dog. She’s a little Boston Terrier who drives me absolutely crazy. But I love her. And really, she’s the most energetic, yet most fearful being I’ve ever come into contact with. I’m definitely not an animal person and it’s amazing that we even have a dog, and I think that’s precisely why God has used Stella to teach me so many things.

According to Kelly-lingo, fear is most assuredly one of my pet sins. I get afraid and often times consumed with really irrational things that make me look like an idiot. Really. For instance, I’m not a huge fan of traveling. I like to go to new places… I just don’t like the actual process of getting there. And flying in an airplane.. oh dear, don’t even get me started on that. If I must be on a plane, I spend many hours tricking myself into believing I’m merely on a bus with amazing views. I do this because I’m terrified that our plane will crash, and instead of plummeting to our ultimate demise, I worry that I will awake to find myself surround by the cast of LOST, running from a smoke monster while trying to avoid getting snatched by the hands of time and thrown into 1963. Hey, it could happen.

Stella is a bit irrational too. While many things make her quiver in fear, nothing scares her quite as much as the vacuum. She cowers under the coffee table when we drag the vacuum into the living room. And once it’s been powered on, there’s no telling what she’ll do. Maybe she thinks the noise is coming from a monster within the machine who wants to eat her. Or maybe she’s afraid that she’ll get sucked into the giant wind tunnel of cleanliness. Or perhaps she’s merely worried that she’ll go deaf from whirring noise created by said tunnel of cleanliness. I don’t know and I guess I’ll never know just what it is that has Stella so scared. Too bad she can’t talk.

As I’ve observed her shaking nervously when I bring out the Hoover, I feel bad for her and try to comfort her by explaining what the vacuum does. It’s just a piece of cleaning equipment, I always tell her. And I would think that by now, she’d know that I wouldn’t bring out an evil machine with a monster lurking inside because I love her. But nothing helps. She’s still terrified. Terrified, I tell you.

And as I was vacuuming one day and observing my poor dog’s fear, the Lord made a connection in my mind. I am afraid,just like Stella, of some pretty irrational things. And even though I know the truth, and I know God’s character, and He’s proved His love over and over, I’m still afraid. While I may not be quivering under a coffee table in the corner, I am nonetheless nearly paralyzed by fear at times. And I hate that. It makes me think that even though I KNOW God is good, maybe I don’t all the way believe it. For a long time, there was a disconnect between my head and my heart, and fear was the dirty culprit. I know that makes me sound like a terrible Christian, but that’s the awful truth.

Now that I’ve realized that my sin of unbelief is the driving force behind my fear, however, I’ve been able to combat my woes of worry with truth found in Scripture. And it’s been amazing. There’s some really great promises and truths found in the Bible. If you don’t believe me, you should check out Romans 8:39, Malachi 3:6, Isaiah 26:3, Philippians 4:7, and Zephaniah 3:17, just to name a few. When I find myself fear-stricken, I dive into my black leather Bible with the pages all marked up, and I remember the truth. And I believe. That’s not to say I’ve overcome my war with worry completely. But now that I’m armed with the ammunition I need, winning the battle is much more attainable.

Stella, on the other hand, is another story. It’s a shame she can’t read…

Lisa, I feel totally affirmed by your words. YES! The root behind my fear is unbelief. This world has an unbelievably powerful way of drawing us away from the things that are true in this life–the Word, prayer, and community among other believers. And a part of winning the war against fear is arming ourselves…surrounding ourselves…with the things we know are true. Honestly, though, I think I live good chunks of my life in Stella’s shoes. Why? Because there are some pretty scary things in this world. Job loss, cancer/other illness, loneliness, addictions, death itself. I confess, I have my moments of hopeless.

Then, I picture Jesus in the garden, just hours before his death. His fear was sweated out in blood as he cried out to God. This reminds me that a piece of what it means to be human is to fear. But also, a piece of what it means to follow in the footsteps of Christ is to walk forward, though we may fear. I think this is called faith.

I agree, Lindsay. I’ve had trouble, though, figuring out where the line is between the fear that warns us against things that are harmful and the fear that we have to overcome to step out in faith. A lot of times, it seems like my natural impulse is to confuse the two. When I’m afraid to submit an application for school or a job, for example, it’s easy for me to confuse my fear of rejection with the feeling of “well, I really don’t want to go to that school/job.” Similarly, I tend to ignore things like (to use a less serious example) “you shouldn’t jump off that mountain with a parachute attached – you might have to hobble around school on crutches for six weeks” and think instead that I’m just being a chicken.

Even so, jumping off that mountain taught me one thing: dealing with fear gets easier when you confront it. Courage really is like a muscle – if you use it often on little things, it’s easier to use on really terrifying things. A few years ago, I had a snap realization that I was hiding from failure, and from life, to the point of missing out. While I’m not nearly where I should be, I’ve noticed that a few times of trying and failing have given me the experience to say “hey, I remember that the world didn’t end when that job didn’t work out/person blew off my apology/etc. – maybe it won’t end now if this thing I’m thinking of trying fails.”

Maybe what I’m trying to say is that faith sometimes includes the knowledge that God doesn’t always bend the universe to our whims, but that even when the unimaginable and devastating happens, He’s still there with us when the smoke clears.

Sally – you have hit on something that I was just thinking about. I read KJ’s post and remembered why I love her friendship – because she balances me. She does not worry. I worry all the time. In fact, as I have thought more about this topic, I think that I – like Allie referenced – might be extremely like Lisa’s dog, Stella. Stella and I might be kindred spirits. I laugh at myself when I realize that I actually wear a necklace (that Kevin got me years ago so I have been wearing it awhile) that has engraved on the back, “Fear Not For I Am With You.” (The quote is referencing God’s words to us in several locations of Scripture.) Then, a few years ago, a student I was meeting with at the time shared with me a book that had helped her overcome fear. This was an interesting moment for me since I was supposed to be mentoring her and yet she was doing precisely the same for me. The book is titled: “Calm My Anxious Heart” by Linda Dillow. I have to admit, it did help me gain better/more accurate perspective.

But back to Sally’s observation about God and healthy fear vs. unhealthy fear. I remember reading the book “A Grief Observed” by C.S. Lewis and a statement he makes early on in that book. Essentially, he says “It is not that I feared that God existed. It is that I feared that this is who God was.” (I am sure I am misquoting this a little bit, but that is the main jist of it.) That line has ministered to me in this: I know that I need to know God better… to understand His ways better. Something about diving more into understanding Him more deeply and being okay with my fear that things will not always go the way I want them to has helped me gain a better perspective on why we are here on this earth. I think the issue of God’s sovereignty is tough for us to wrestle with at times and, for me, that is the core issue that I must face. This is something I am taking a step toward each day. I am no where near where I want to be in knowing Him and trusting Him. But maybe some day I’ll finally feel like I have arrived. And then, I envision, I won’t be afraid of God and who He is and how this life in the “post-Fall world” works. Instead, I’ll see the bigger picture and see where God was moving all along.

Nikki, I think understanding God’s sovereignty is SUCH a key part of obtaining healthy fear and overcoming the detrimental kind. I know this is often over-quoted, but I’m reminded of that part in “The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe” where Lucy asks Mr./Mrs. Beaver about Aslan (the lion and king). She wants to know if this big, scary, powerful animal is “safe” and Mr. Beaver says something like: “Safe? No, he’s not safe. But he’s good.”

What an excellent picture of God: not safe (because there are no limits to his power), but good. Understanding God is no easy task, but ironically (or maybe intentionally) it is in the process of seeking that we develop the kind of relationship with Him that has power to change our hearts, cast out our fears, and lead us to salvation!