Another issue is one that several writers have commented on, servant leadership. Probably the best example of this, for me, is my dad. When he sees something that needs to be done, he doesn’t ask whose responsibility it is, he just does it. Whether it’s shelves at the local food pantry that needing to be stabilized or the high school band needing a bus to get to the state football game, he takes the lead in either taking care of the problem or recruiting others to take responsibility with him. Either way the job gets done because he doesn’t sit around asking who should be taking responsibility for it.

The last one I’m going to mention is that the men I respect tend to be fairly calm (as in not hot-headed) and listen well. James tells us to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger. These men value the thoughts and opinions of others (without yielding on what they believe about/from God). They’re willing to seek out wisdom from older men and women. They trust God to provide and listen for His guidance.

Masculinity in Battle – 2 Samuel 11-12

One of the most disappointing days of my life was when I found out that my childhood idol, King David, was an adulterer and murder. I spent days fighting off the Philistines and Amalikites out in the woods behind my house. I can’t tell you how many times I dropped Goliath with the sling shot my dad gave me as a young boy…and I can’t tell you how many times Goliath ended up being glass windows! It is easy to see from the Old Testament that men are called to fight battles. Now, in today’s terms battles can mean a lot more than fighting against the Philistines. As John Eldridge says in his book “Wild at Heart,” every man has a battle to fight in his life. Every man has a wound given to him by his father. The battles I must fight everyday because of the wounds I have is pride and control. I love my father dearly, and he is one of the most Godly, selfless men I know. But before he became a believer and went through a great change in his life when I was 10 or so, he was just as prideful and was just as much of a control freak that I can be.

Looking at this passage, there are two implications here. First of all, David got himself into this Bathsheba situation because he was not where he was supposed to be. King David was a warrior and when a nation goes to war, the king is supposed to go with them. But for whatever reason, David decided to stay at home instead of fighting with his armies. The first implication, therefore, is that men should not have idle hands. God has called all of us to a certain work, but if we decide to ignore that call and sit on our rears, we will have idle hands and trust me, if I know anything about men, idle hands and naked chicks bathing on the roof are not a good mix.

The second issue here is the bigger battle that David should have been fighting. One of David’s biggest wounds given down from him from his forefathers was lust for women. Abraham, Isaac, Jacob on down the line all struggled with being one-woman men. The history of Israel is covered with men who greatly struggled with lust and adultery. We even see that David’s son Soloman, is one of the greatest strugglers with lust. David, did not fight the battle of lust and greed and it cost him greatly. Not only did he become and adulterer and murder, but it also cost him the life of his son. Today, all of us as men struggle with fighting the battles we face. We grow weary of the constant battle, when we attempt to fight it on our own without the power of Christ and give up, leading to our downfalls and disaster every time. Men are called to fight the battles, but when we stop fighting, the battles overtake us.

Masculinity in Marriage – Ephesians 5:22-32

Obviously a controversial text because of its abuse from the pulpit in the past. The only application many pastors seem to glean from this text is that women are supposed to submit to their husbands. If it’s biblical, it’s true. However, this is not the only thing this particular text says. Yes, women are called to submit to the authority of their husbands, but the bigger point here that Paul makes is about husbands. Paul calls husbands to “love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the Word.” This is not a call to a man to just be willing to take a bullet for his wife. How did Christ love the Church? He loved her selflessly. He made himself nothing and gave up his whole life for her. So what does this say to men as husbands? Certainly, physical death is included, as Christ did die for the Church, but also, a husband must give up his life for his wife, implying not just death, but giving everything he has in order to better love her. His time, money, and pride is all laid aside for her. Everything the man is, his identity is sacrificed to better love his wife. This means, as Jeremy talked about a little bit in his blog, if the guy finds his identity in X-box and Fantasy football, he has got to lay it down if it gets between him and loving his wife. If a man is so busy trying to make money that he has to sacrifice time and effort with his wife, I believe the scriptures call him to go find a new job.

I once asked my grandmother why she was so loving to my grandfather and why I never saw or heard her speak negatively about my grandpa or argue with him about a direction he chose to lead them in. She said, “Rob, how could I not just love and trust him, submitting to his headship over my house, when I know he loves me and everything he does has my well-being in mind?” This floored me. Not being married myself, what does this mean for me now? Two things, I need to begin to prepare myself to be a loving husband, ready to lead a wife and family some day. The second thing this all implies is that I do not need to be married to a woman in order to love sacrificially. I am called to live selflessly to all of my brothers and sisters in Christ (1 john 3:16). Does this mean opening doors and saying “ma’am” to all you ladies just as my momma told me to? Of course! But it also means that I should live in such a way to love you and to live in such a way as to lead you as Christ leads us.

There is plenty more to say on masculinity, but let’s just be honest, I am feeling guilty talking about it because I fail to fulfill the roles of a biblical man all the time. What does all this mean for you ladies? Pray for us as men, that we may fight our battles and that we may lead our wives, loving y’all sacrificially, all while honoring the Lord. Encourage us to love and lead you as Christ leads all of us. Don’t scream “What? You don’t think I can open my own door?” as one lady did to me once when I held the door open for her walking into a gas station a few years ago. Ha ha…that still gets me today! Love us men and be patient as we stumble around attempting to conform to Christ, fight our battles, and learn to love you as Christ loved the Church.