Consider Lily

Hey Ladies and Readers!

Welcome back from summer break! Since so many of our readers are either starting college or returning for a new school year, let’s start the school year by talking about the things we wish we had known in college (or earlier in college, at least)! What was a major thing that you had to learn the hard way in college? Were there any helpful tips that someone gave you which helped you do well? In college, I know that I had to mess up a lot of things to figure out what I wanted to do and needed to do (with academics, priorities, religion, boys, etc.). What was your biggest lesson in college, or what would have made a big difference if you had known it from the start?

I’ll have to think about some of the questions you have raised here, but I definitely have the beginnings of a list of things that I wish I had known before I landed on campus and encountered the onslaught of the collegiate existence. I made many mistakes/had a lot of growing up to do, and although having good advice would have helped — I’m also recognize that sometimes the best lessons are learned through dealing with difficult circumstances. Thus, I learned a lot of good lessons during my first year of college. To name a few, I learned that:

• Just because he is serious about his tattoos of a cross and a Greek citation of a Bible verse does not necessarily mean that he is serious about his faith in Christ
• Just because Texas could exist as its own nation does not mean that people living there don’t already believe that they are an independent nation (this is meant most respectfully to my Texan friends — but was, indeed, a lesson I had to learn)
• Just because college is a new season of life (and often times a new start in a new place with new friends and new dreams, etc.) doesn’t mean that you ignore the things with which you have previously resonated (i.e., activities I enjoyed before college, it turned out, were the things I missed when I chose not to do them in college — e.g., student government, continuing to learn the French language, lifeguarding, etc.)
• Just because your meal card says you can eat 3 meals a day doesn’t mean you have to eat 3,000 calories at each meal a day … (there was always lots of gravy available in our cafeterias and I put it on everything and the pounds on me accordingly)
• Just because they were your closest friends in high school doesn’t necessarily mean they will be your closest friends forever … but they are still your friends
• Just because they become your closest friends in college doesn’t necessarily mean they will be your closest friends forever … but they are still your friends
• Just because you feel like you are the only one who is homesick, failing classes, wanting to quit life, heart broken (whatever) doesn’t necessarily mean you are the only one feeling that way … several others are feeling it too but not sure how to talk about it.

… This list could go on awhile, so I will spare our readers. Let me get back to you on some of the other questions you asked … in particular the question about the “biggest thing” … they all seemed like “big” lessons to me, but then again (and as I said above), I had a lot to learn … and, no doubt, still do.

It is painful to admit this, but college was a while ago. And though some of the lessons are fresh in my mind, I asked some of my favorite recently or almost graduated girls this same question for a little research. Here are the highlights and common threads.
1. We wish we knew how important it was to get involved with a local church in our first year. It’s tempting to give all of our time and energy to para-church organizations, if you are a committed believer in Christ, but there’s no replacing a real, live Bible-believing church, and looking for one that puts you around older, wiser people, and not just other college people is a plus.
2. We wish we knew or were glad we knew how to pay bills or spend money wisely. I saw some crazy rich girl spending going on at Baylor. I was a poor, pastor’s daughter, that for some delusional reason thought I could afford to join a sorority. Where did I get that? I struggled to pay those dues with my jobs. Delta Delta Delta was a great group of girls, and I made some amazing Christian friends there, but was that really good use of my money?
3. Lastly, I wish I had known that dating the world was not necessary. I wish I’d know I didn’t have to find a husband, that God would bring him to me in His will and timing for me. I sorely regret all the time, tears, and energy wasted on boys while I could have developed longer more edifying relationships with other girls.

Those are my top three. If I were to sneak in one more, (and y’all know I’m not above that) I would agree with Nikki that although everyone else seems to look like they’re fitting in and feeling right at home, they are just as scared and lonely as you are. We are awfully good at putting on a front.

Oh, and I wish I had learned to exercise regularly during college. That would have been good. Okay I’m done!

I’m glad we’re back! I missed this!

Ahh, Sally, learning lessons the hard way seems to be a specialty of mine … however, lest this turn into “Kelly’s confessions”, I’ll spare you details and give a few bullet points of things I wish I had known in college:

• Do your assigned reading. Sorry to disappoint with the boring, practical advice, but one of my biggest regrets is that I didn’t use the time that was supposed to be dedicated to learning to actually learn more. I was able to do very little and still make decent grades, but I only cheated myself (and created more work for down the road) by skimping by.
• Perspective. This is something we all need more of no matter what stage of life we’re in, and the best advice I can give you for getting more is to ask God for it and talk to people older than you. You will experience some great challenges in college: choosing what you want to do for the rest of your life, dating and breaking up, dating and breaking up again, facing rejection, not making the grade, etc. Without perspective, life can be crushing, and because college is so full of self-discovery, change, and major life decisions, fight hard for perspective.
• Push your comfort zone. I missed out on a lot in college because I was unwilling to take risk. Go out … even if the scene makes you a little uncomfortable … it will teach you to interact with different kinds of people. Date … even if it may not work out … you will learn a ton about yourself and about relating (of course be careful who you date and that you don’t compromise yourself or your values). Live your faith … even though you may not be well received … you will find that God is good and trustworthy and faithful!

I’m sure I’ll think of more. My parting advice: Don’t sweat the small stuff. Enjoy college … there is no other time in life where you’ll experience as much freedom and opportunity!

Great stuff! KJ, I think I have a similar “I wish” list to yours: I wish that I had known that my ideas about what I could and could not achieve were wrong – I’ve seen people around me who had similar backgrounds to mine do AMAZING things, things which I had thought were out of my league. The difference between them and me is that I didn’t muster up the guts to try and risk failing. I wish I had figured out earlier that the pain of failure or rejection (depending on whether we’re talking school, job choices, boys, friendships, etc.) is nothing compared to the pain of looking back and wondering whether your life would be different if you hadn’t been afraid to try for what you wanted to do.

It seems like we’re all leaning towards one side or the other: either we wish we had done good things that we were too scared or lazy to do, or we wish that we hadn’t done certain things that just weren’t healthy for us. I’m more of the too scared/lazy type myself, but I’ve had my moments of “wow, I shouldn’t have done that,” too (on that note, I learned that when you notice some red flags about a boy, dating him anyway is really, REALLY a bad idea)!

See … this is why I wish I had access to something like Consider Lily when I was in college – it would have been so great to start off the school year by thinking about some of the advice here and making “wiser” choices. I thought of one other thing I would encourage students about that was a real stressor for me, but turned out to be “not that big of a deal.” That principle is that it is okay to change majors. (Albeit, the more you do that, the longer it takes to graduate typically.) Most students I meet with are still discovering what they are good at, how they are wired, what career paths will hold their interest the longest. Changing your major is not that big of a deal, but your reasons for changing are important. I.e., to get more into a field that you will excel in, not because you are a person who cannot commit to something (that’s a whole topic in and of itself!).

I had to include this thought as I remember how stressed out I was (and my parents) when I changed my major for the FIFTH time in two semesters. Of course, I finally did land in a major that I loved — which always helps to make the goal of learning/studying an easier task.

Nice to be in conversation with you ladies again! Great stuff so far. Goodness, college definitely taught me a lot of lessons. Let’s see …

1. Concentrate on developing on some really great female friendships before you start flitting all over campus making “friends” (read: occasionally we run into each other in the cafeteria). I think my temptation to know as many people as possible, and have them know me, was often detrimental to relationships with my close girl-friends … the girls I actually still talk to and want to invest in today. Quality definitely trumps quantity when it comes to friendships.

2. Talk to your professors. Go to their office hours. When professors see that you care enough to be involved in their class they are more likely to work with you when you need a deadline extended, are looking for a recommendation letter, or want to explore research/internship opportunities.

3. Experience is NOT the best teacher. Obedience is. In college, we are all confronted with so many different opportunities and possibilities, some good, some not so good; it’s easy to think “Hey, it won’t hurt me to do something once. If I never try it, I’ll never know what it’s like”. But I caution you: it’s logic like this that can lead to some of the greatest heart-break, pain and regret. If God has been clear about a certain issue (take, sex before marriage for example), experiencing it will do you no good. Being obedient, however, will.

4. BUT (that being said) there are some really awesome things God definitely DOES want you to experience. Like KJ and Sally have said, there are some fantastic opportunities you should definitely take advantage of in college. For me, those things were: free concerts/theater/shows put on by my peers, late night conversations about life/love/God with friends, the make-your-own-omelet-bar at Sunday brunch, dancing to Michael Jackson with my roommates, giving my testimony to an auditorium full of my students, and taking advantage of the many “student discounts” around town ($6 for a movie ticket, a large popcorn and a large drink? Yes please! That’s dinner and a movie!).

Wow, some great advice here. This is the wisdom I did not have during my college years, but it could have helped tremendously! That said, I agree with what many have said that sometimes it’s those difficult times that shape us and instill wisdom. Don’t fear mistakes. But get wisdom!! So, here are my wish-I’d-knowns:

• I wish I had known that academics are the main point of college. Like Kelly said, cramming and getting the A on the test is fine, until later in life when I am faced with a question or moment where that World Religions class material really would be helpful to have stored in my brain. But after cramming, POOF! it was gone. Take the time to really study. There is PLENTY of time to hang out and have fun!
• I wish I had known that it’s okay to be awkward in discovering who you are. Take some risks, make some mistakes, expect an embarrassing moment or two. It’s okay. If it’s embarrassing enough, it’ll make your list to share for the rest of your life, and if not, it hopefully will build some character. Case in point: the day I tried out for Rugby, got pummeled by big girls, and told the coach I had to go to the restroom (and never came back). Lesson learned: Google rugby before deciding it’s a good idea for a lightweight.
• I wish I had known the importance of serving others. College is a very introspective time … What will I do with my life? Who will I become? Lots of focus on ME. But it’s a smorgasbord of opportunities to experience the joy of serving others. Reach out to someone who is struggling with something you’ve overcome. Volunteer in an organization you feel passionate about. Sacrifice your own desires in order to serve or celebrate someone else. All of these things glorify God, as well as soften the transition out of college into the real world where we have even more opportunities every day to love and serve our coworkers, friends, neighbors and family.

Thanks, everyone! Even though I’m out of college, your thoughts were great reminders to me! For our returning readers, welcome back. For those just joining us, welcome. Let’s all make this a great year!

This entry was posted on Friday, September 5th, 2008 at 1:29 am and is filed under Etc, Social. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.