Consider Lily

Recently, the news reported that some college students (and others, I presume) are choosing to “fast” from Facebook for the Lent season. Part of the reason for this is that these individuals feel that FB is taking up too much of their time (checking it constantly, uploading photos, seeing what their friends are doing on their FB pages, etc.). Definitely a time consumer. What I wonder about is what these individuals will think after the “fast” is over? Are they still utilizing Twitter and/or Text messaging? Will they want to return to their old FB habits, or will they feel more “freedom” from being addicted to their computers – or merely replaced that addiction with something else (like the new Twitter phenomenon)? Is communicating with others via FB, Twitter, and Texting really a tool for building community? Or does it simply give us a sense of “false” community? I will be the first to confess that I text and check FB regularly (checking more now than I previously had sworn I would). What are our thoughts on these cultural “networking tools” that have captured so many of us?

Nikki, I think about this topic so much! I confess that I have been a FB addict for SEVEN YEARS now! Unbelievable. I have 383 “friends” and hundreds of pictures tagged on my profile. And it wasn’t until recently that I began to realize that my friends who have “fasted” from FB are looking for far more than just a little extra time in their day. The truth of the matter is FB does not satisfy our need to KNOW and be KNOWN. Sure, I have 383 friends, but how many of those people do I really know? In fact, I often use FB to escape from truly being known. Nobody who looks up my profile, views my pictures, and reads what my favorite books are, really has to sit down with me and look into my eyes to have a conversation. And I think our generation is missing out on relationships like that. The hard part of it is that even when people fast from FB, there are still too many options out there that allow people to escape from real community. Everyone I have known to fast from FB has returned to it feeling just as busy and just as empty as they did before.

Does that mean I’m giving up my seven-year run of Facebook glory? Probably not. But what I try to do is devote an hour to experiencing real community for every hour I spend avoiding it. Whoa. Maybe that was a little too honest.

Lindsay, I agree with you – Facebook can really easily be a way to have easy interactions with people. I hardly think I can be fair on this one, though – I’m living abroad at the moment, so my only ways of communicating with the people I care about back home are all online! Maybe I’ll defer on this one to people who aren’t living in a constant language barrier (seriously…I’m starving for the English language over here, and facebook gives me the fix I need! Parle anything but Italiano?)!

I don’t Facebook (I have a feeling half of our readers are now picturing me in a long prairie skirt, writing all my posts on parchment paper with a quill pen and sending them in via pony express).

Nicole – LOL! But you are a pro-texter – so you’re in on this conversation for sure! Okay – just wanted to add here that today I got another invitation to “Twitter” — here is what that invitation says:

About Twitter

Twitter is a unique approach to communication and networking based on the simple concept of status. What are you doing? What are your friends doing–right now? With Twitter, you may answer this question over SMS or the Web and the responses are shared between contacts.

When I get invitations like this – I am wondering about the wisdom of spending time letting everyone know what I am doing each moment of my day. DOES this create community (like Sally eluded to)? Does it give us a false sense of community (like Lindsay suggests)? Is this a wise use of time or is it unwise? Or somewhere in between?

I perhaps will also be pictured in a long praire skirt, because I definitely don’t get this whole “Twitter” craze. Are we really so important that our “status” should be updated multiple times a day? Are we really so nosey that we want to follow the “status” of hundreds of “friends.”

I do like Facebook…I see the danger of “pseudo” community, but I also see the benefits of quickly and easily staying in touch with old high school friends or out of town relatives that I wouldn’t otherwise be in contact with. (Plus, I LOVE the birthday reminders…saves me ALL the time!)

Good for you if you “fasted” from Facebook (or Twitter or whatever else sucks your time) if you replaced that activity with some time focused on God. The point of giving up something for Lent (although it’s not required of us Biblically) is to sacrifice something small as a reminder of the ultimate sacrifice that Jesus made for us. And just like with anything, we should always be evaluating if our habits in a particular area are healthy.

So, I guess I’d say check your motives on this whole Facebook, Twitter, texting thing. Are you avoiding being known? Are you hiding behind “pseudo” relationship? Are you being a busy body (obsessively checking whether “that guy’s” relationship status has changed yet)? Are you so obsessed with yourself that you think everyone wants to know what you’re doing all day long? Are you too “busy” to study or read or pray or serve or rest, but have hours to spend “status surfing?” If so, you might need to re-evaluate.

I’ve been wondering when we’d do this topic! We are an internet-based blog, afterall…

I think that the thoughts so far have been great. Underlying your question, Nikki, is the question of what “fasting” means and what it is for. KJ, your point about reminding us of Jesus, who provided the ultimate sacrifice, is key. I’m reminded of the verses in Matthew (9:14-15) where people came to Jesus asking “Why do we and the Pharisees fast, but your disciples do not fast?” and Jesus answered, “Can the wedding guests mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them? The days will come when the bridegroom is taken away from them, and then they will fast.” This tells me that fasting should not only remind us of Christ’s sacrifice on the cross, on our behalf, but it should remind us that we are empty without Christ. That all the small things I fill my hours, days, life with (Facebook, email, and so much more) are only distracting me and giving me a false sense of fulfillment. We should fast from things that are getting between us and true worship of God, the One for whom our heart was created.

Back to Facebook/Twitter/texting…I think these networking “tools,” like so many other things, can either be good and useful, or they can be idols, depending on how and why we use them. I have fasted from Facebook before. It wasn’t necessarily a big “time-consumer” for me, but I did find myself browsing at others’ pictures and being filled with envy and discontentment (instead of being happy for my umpteenth high school “friend” to get married in a gorgeous designer wedding gown…). These thoughts were keeping me from thankfulness for, and security in, God’s provision for me. The fast was helpful, and it really hasn’t ended. I still examine my motives before I click on the “Me and My George-Clooney-Look-Alike Husband at the Beach” album.

Also, I would love for us to replace Facebook/Twitter time with face-to-face time with real friends. Perhaps we can add up all the random minutes and hours (and afternoons…) of electronic communication and replace it with coffee with a friend.

Really good points, ladies – all of them! So here is another thought… I was talking with one of our church leaders the other day and he was telling me about a friend of his in Texas who refuses to have FB (or any of these internet “community” deals) because he wants “real” community with people. Apparently, this guy said that he would rather have “real” community with a few people (who he interacts with in person each week) than “false” community with several hundred people (or more?) over the internet. Do you agree or disagree with his position?

Nicole – I’m not letting you off so easy on this topic. Why do you prefer texting to talking (I think I’ve heard you explain this before, but for the benefit of our readers)? Do the advantages out-weigh the lack of in-person communication?

Nikki, if the Texas guy feels like having Facebook would interfere with his having real community, then I think he’s right to keep away from it. I don’t think, though, that Facebook or Twitter or any other social networking forum is across-the-board bad for community. Instead, I think that it’s a personal judgment that you have to make – just like Erica and KJ mentioned. First of all, I’ve seen Facebook used pretty effectively as a tool for getting people together. My college friends and now law school friends use Facebook groups and events all the time as a quick and easy way to invite people to parties, dinner, movie showings, etc. In those cases, the events themselves are opportunities for real social interaction.

On top of that, I think that focusing too much on “I have a few close friends” can be really dangerous. Yes, we should nurture and protect our close relationships, but having acquaintances is NOT a bad thing! Facebook and Twitter (actually, I know nothing about Twitter) are an easy way to break the ice with someone that you don’t know well. Speaking as someone who has been the new kid a LOT, it’s a lot more comfortable to meet people and start hanging out with new groups when someone “friends” you on Facebook and starts dropping you “hey, we’re all grabbing dinner. Want to join?” messages. If the people who did that were trying to just cultivate a few close friendships, they’d never be able to reach out to people like that. Honestly, I feel pretty strongly about the fact that these mediums, though admittedly time-suckers and huge envy pits (Erica, I feel you on the wedding dresses thing – I have to avoid Facebook when I’m in brood/self-pity mode), can really be useful in reaching out to the people God puts around us (I’ve definitely been grateful for those “hey, want to come with?” messages!). Like it or not, Facebook is a part of my generation’s culture, and I think that condemning it outright rather than keeping it within wise boundaries (which I grant, for some like Nikki’s Texan friend, can be just staying away from it totally) can be limiting a potentially great tool for ministry!

So apparently I was lying when I said I’d defer to someone who could be more neutral! Oops

Sally, I love your point about how these social networking sites are great places to find out about events going on that encourage real community. If I didn’t have Facebook to keep me up-to-date on the coming weekend’s events, I’d probably just stay home because it’s my natural tendency to do so. I think that the social networking sites have really helped my “introvertedness” because I feel a lot less pressured when I first meet new people. When I first moved to St. Louis, I met a lot of new people through Facebook groups. I felt much better about attending an event I first heard about through Facebook because I already got to know people before I met them in person. I think there are so many positive ways social networking sites can be helpful in building community if we use them in a way honoring to God and His intentions for us to build community with one another.

ugh. I think FB is really just super dumb. Direct access to people you don’t know is dumb (remember, when you were little? “no talking to strangers” ring a bell?) Spending time searching for people only to COMPARE yourself to them? Dumb. (which, in case you didn’t know, is how Facebook started, as an off-shoot of Harvard’s Hot-or-Not website). If there weren’t any negative aspects to it then we wouldn’t be talking about “giving it up for Lent” (when was the last time people talked about giving up vegetables for Lent? or charity work? or time with their kids?) I KNOW you all think it’s great. If you’re in school then yeah, I guess it’s probably pretty cool…older than that and I think its creepy. Who on earth CARES what your “current status” is? SO lame. As for your “number of friends,” I have to TOTALLY disagree with Sally. Its quite simply not true that “more is more” when it comes to friends. Sorry girl, but quality irrevocably trumps quantity.

Nikki, you asked me about texting. I do a lot of it, more out of necessity than anything. Texting allows me to touch base with people I care about when I’m in the middle of busy work day. That’s important to me. I can’t make a bunch of phone calls everyday, my professional schedule doesn’t allow for it, so as I’m walking to my car I send a “thanks for lunch yesterday, it was great to see you” text. What I don’t do? Spend my free time sitting at the computer scanning photos of girls I didn’t even like in high school (oops…I accidentally slipped back to talking about FB).

OK, now we’re getting honest! I agree with a lot you have said here, Nicole. I think your opinion, as polar as it is from that of FB-lovers, helps bring us back to Earth to see what’s really happening here. People are “talking” and “hanging out” and “getting to know each other” without ever seeing each other’s eyeballs. That is weird to me. I fear that these cyber-replacements for true community will become so socially preferred that people will stop getting together at all.

Personally speaking, I’ve noticed that in the past ten years of communicating largely over email, my in-person conversation skills have gone downhill. I don’t have a delete button to my mouth, or 30 minutes to study the sentence I want to say. Not to mention the huge component of body language that enhances and keeps it real in relationships. I no longer feel natural having a conversation in person. I don’t necessarily blame my FB account — I joined a few months ago and simply don’t have much time to “hang out” there. But in general our culture is moving toward virtual relationships. Not actual ones.

However, I do think there is a place for taking part in these networks if the motives and time spent stay in check. I think they are good for keeping long-distance friends in touch. But like any addiction, there are seasons of denial, of enabling ourselves, of making excuses, of doing it “just one more minute… or hour,” and that’s when you know it’s a problem. As for fasting from FB, I agree with KJ — there needs to be a Godly replacement for that time spent. Otherwise, the idol time will be filled with another false source of fulfillment.

This entry was posted on Friday, March 20th, 2009 at 12:03 am and is filed under Social. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.