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He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not - 6th in a series by Jessica Sheets There are a lot of ways that we know, as Christians, we are different from the world. We also know that the way we handle our dating and relationships is different...to an extent. However, I can't help but wonder if there is a great deal of pain and heartache from which we could be saved if our view of dating and marriage was A LOT different from what everybody else was doing. I'm not saying that we need to lock ourselves in our bedroom and let our parents arrange our marriage (although there have probably been many more truly happily arranged marriages than what we would imagine). But I do think that perhaps dating and boys and all the drama that goes with it is way more "front and center" in a single girl's life that what God desires. So keep in mind that, even though we might not be able to see it now, God's plan really is best for our life (meaning that His way is the only way that will bring us true joy and fulfillment in a relationship). I want you to think about a few things. First of all, what's the point of dating? I'm not saying it's bad...I just want to think about why we do it. It is, of course, the "popular" thing. As much as we make fun of the "everybody else is doing it" expression, what everybody else is doing does affect what we do. I'm 31-years-old and still find myself comparing all kinds of things that I am doing to what others I know (or don't know) do. Secondly, not only is dating popular, but it's also necessary...isn't it? If you never date, how will you know what kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with? We often use dating as a "process of elimination"--trying out different people until we finally find one that fits. If only there was someone who knew us better than we knew ourselves...someone who really knew what we needed (and wanted, for that matter)...and more importantly, this someone knows what we will need and want 10 years from now. Oh, wait...there is Someone. The question is how much do you trust Him with your dating life? It's as if God isn't big enough to lead us to our husband, and we need to "help Him out" a little. Thirdly, I know that all dating doesn't come from pressure or impatience...being in a relationship is just fun. It's right in the middle of the Christmas season as I write this, and I know that snuggling up and watching a Christmas movie or walking hand in hand through decorations at the mall is a special part of the celebration. It's nice to have someone to share things with, and we find that in a relationship. So I'm not saying that dating and relationships are wrong; I just think it's a good idea to look at why we do the things that we do. So once you have the relationship, what about some of those important moments that go along with it...this first kiss and making it to the "I love you" stage. I don't believe that kissing in itself is wrong, but I do believe that it can lead to some damaging things. Everything that is referred to as "making out" in dating can be referred to as "foreplay" in marriage. It is a good idea to be careful here...if you get too close to the fire, then you will get burned. And no matter how playful we act about it as teenagers and young women, kissing is a part of sexuality...it is meant to eventually lead somewhere. Is your relationship with God strong enough to keep it in its place? And your relationship with Him is the only thing that will keep things pure...no amount of will power can ever overcome a sexual urge (which can creep up on you when you least expect it). What about being "in love?" Surely there is nothing wrong with saying that you love someone...God ought to be proud of us for loving people. But what happens when the relationship ends (because all relationships except the one with the guy you marry will eventually end)? Someone takes back the "I love you" and someone else is left with a broken heart. Song of Solomon says, Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires (3:5). Then again in Proverbs 4:23 we are told to "guard our heart." I realize that we can't always help who we fall in love with (another good reason to choose very carefully who you spend time with). But maybe we could let God protect our emotions a little more. Having a "guarded heart" only comes from our walk with Him...having His love and peace at work in our lives (see Philippians 4:7). I am not saying that your method of relating to guys is wrong and you are going to get hurt if you date in the conventional way. I am simply suggesting that perhaps there is another option...just something to talk to Him about. Let me end by telling how all of these topics unfolded in my own life (sorry if you're getting tired of hearing my story). My senior year in college I decided I was "done with dating." It wasn't a rash decision made out of frustration; God had shown me truth and healed much in my "dating life." I simply decided that I was done trying to do it the world's way. The next time I did any "dating" it was going to be with somebody that I had honestly talked to God about and believed that He might have me spend the rest of my life with. And the next time I kissed a guy or said those three little words...it would be when I had a ring on my finger. There were lots of guys that I was around that year who were nice, charming guys...but none that I felt like God was saying "this is the best I have for you." So I waited...and I talked to God. And I pouted and I argued with Him and I told Him that I thought it sucked that I was by myself on Valentine's Day (yes, I said "sucked" to God...He knew I was thinking it, so why not just be honest). Then I remember so clearly one day as God and I were "discussing" this issue while I was cleaning the bathroom in my apartment. He asked me "Are you going to try to make this happen on your own, or are you going to wait and let Me do it?" And it was in moments like that, moments when I could see Him clearly and trust Him with my future that He began to show me things. And those moments started coming more often, and He showed me so much about the guy that He had for me. I believed that it was so much more than I could ever "get" on my own. And 20 days after I graduated, I met this guy.... And three (excruciating) months later, he asked me out. Then three months after that, we stood on a rock at the Grand Canyon (at sunset), and he put a ring on my finger. And the first kiss...far worth the wait. And the "I love you" ...it's lasted nine years now. So, my encouragement to you...believe that God has a plan for you. And remember that things hardly ever happen the way you have planned. Maybe God wants you to do things the "normal" way--and maybe not. Are you willing to let Him work a little differently in your life? Maybe some people won't understand, but I guarantee you one thing...it will be far worth it in the end!