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Sexually Abused: Victor or Victim? One woman's story by Vicky Wright I am a statistic. I am one out of every three women who are or will be sexually abused. I believe each woman's account has its own unique circumstances and damage, and for this reason, I will not relay my specific account. I was about seven when it ended and I have no recollection of the length or frequency of previous episodes ... much of my memory of this time fails me, both a blessing and a curse. I am free from the hold of guilt, unforgiveness, bitterness, anger, and depression that once seemed like insurmountable emotions that dictated my life. These were not things that originally affected me. It wasn't until my early teens that I really started to be weighed down by ramifications of such abuse. My mother told me that it was because I was just beginning to understand what had taken place years earlier. I was consumed by mental pictures and paralyzed by unhealthy thoughts. What I knew was that it was not my fault. Logic told me I was young and taken advantage of. However, something deep within myself, something hiding in the recesses of my mind, convinced me that I was responsible. No matter how many speakers or leaders informed me that I was not to blame, only God could claim victory over my malicious thoughts ... and God DID claim victory. The divine revelation of the Gospel and my subsequent surrender is the only way I am able to wake each day without holding onto my past. God claimed victory over my life, and the slow but promising process of releasing my anger, my bitterness, my grudge, and my guilt led to the absolute peace which now fills my soul. I would love to give the secret equation to instant peace, to instant absolution, and to instant contention, but the truth is that each day is a new beginning, a new prayer, and a new surrender to the life Christ has called us to. I do remember the day I first surrendered the unforgiveness I harbored in my heart, but to get to the place of genuine surrender you have to WANT to forgive the wrongs done to you. The desire to forgive is probably the first and hardest hurdle in the path to victory. Genuine forgiveness is the only way to capture peace. I remember the immediate release of so many unexplainable emotions as they seemingly seeped from my body ... taken on by Christ. He wrapped me in His warm love and it was more than enough to overcome the cold darkness that had taken control of my life. For the years that followed this one dramatic moment, I continued to surrender my bitterness to God and eventually I was able to say, "I forgive you." Now, 15 years later, I've gone from, "I forgive you" to "I'm praying for you." I am actually burdened for the man who took advantage of my 7 year- old self. I am at peace, I have an eternal hope, and I have victory in Jesus. But what of him? My heart is burdened for this man, and I earnestly pray that if he doesn't know God that Christ would reveal Himself so that he may be saved. I am just as deserving of death and hell as he is — a truth so easily evaded in our minds as we categorize sins according to our own judgment. I have sinned. I deserve death. I am NOT set apart from the man who abused me. May God grant him the same blessing of His knowledge that I have. God can, God has, and God will claim victory in the shadow of seemingly insurmountable obstacles in the lives of His children.