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Spider! by Jessica Sheets This summer, we went to a Cardinals game with my husband's family. As we were riding up to St. Louis, I looked over at Dave and saw a spider on his shoulder. There are no words to adequately describe how I feel about spiders. (I will say that I had a family of about a million of them "hatch" all over some furniture on my back porch). Anyway, I saw the spider and, of course, shrieked, "SPIDER!!!!" I instinctively began to push Dave away from me. I mean, pushing hard...to the point that he had to brace himself so he didn't fall out of the seat. Well, someone got the spider, and I let Dave continue to sit by me. But it got me to thinking...why did I push him like that? I really didn't do it intentionally; it just seemed like the only logical response. But I wasn't pushing the spider. I was pushing Dave...the man I love more than anyone else in the world and who I know loves me the same way. So why push him away? That immediately made me think about God and the whole concept of why we push him away. Now we're not as obvious with Him...our ways of pushing God away are much more subtle. Maybe we don't do those little things we know He would like for us to do (or we continue doing the things we know are hurting our relationship with Him). Or maybe we just freak out and get frustrated over things that He wants to take care of for us (so guilty here). Anyway, I realized that I started pushing Dave because I was scared of something. I wasn't scared of him, but there was something about him, something associated with him, that terrified me. In my mind, the only way to get rid of the spider was to push Dave as far away from me as my adrenaline-filled arms could get him. That makes me wonder...what am I afraid of when I push God away? One of the biggest things I have struggled with for a couple of years now is why God does some things the way He does. It's not a selfish "my way" kind of thing. It's just hard when I know he is in control of this universe, but the universe seems so out of control. And so when things happen that are hard to deal with (even small things that seem to have a big impact), I get scared. And my instinctive reaction is to just push the problem (and the "responsible party") away. So what do I do with that? I know all the things I'm supposed to know: God has a plan, and I just can't see the whole picture; there is an intimacy on the other side of "these things" that I won't experience if I don't go through it; God is bigger than my troubles; etc. In the moment, though, all I see is a "spider" on God's shoulder. So, I have to let him overcome my fear of spiders. Clearly, this is not something that I can overcome on my own! I have to trust that God really can (and WILL) take care of things, in His time and His way (which is infinitely better than mine). When I push Him away, I don't only push away the One who loves me more than I can know right now. I also push away the "insect repellent." He is the only one who can handle the situation (whatever ours may be)...and He wants so badly to handle it!!! He wants to use it to bring us to a closer relationship with Him. He is in control...and that doesn't mean things are his fault. It means that He has a plan and is working in ways that we just can't see. He IS trustworthy, and He does NOT have a spider on His shoulder!